Comparison will kill you. I’ve seen it written in fancy letters, I’ve heard my mother say it, I’ve seen it happen between old friends and new ones. The pressing self doubt whispers: “Am I enough? Will I ever be enough? Is there someone who is better?” Probably.

  As a teenager, I see this everyday; we are insecure people. We doubt, we worry, we see things in ourselves that no one else does… Or we hope they don’t. All because we are tricked into thinking that we have to prove our worth to other people. And for what? A wave in the hallway? Someone branding you as pretty? And of course, I would love to say, “Who the hell cares,” but I wouldn’t be writing this if that were true.

   I think that as we age, insecurities age with us. Some start when we are young and stay with us our entire lives. Some come and stay for a few years and then die out as our childhoods moves on. I thought by the time I was the age I am now, I would be relatively sure of who I was. But right now, I have no idea.

   One day your checking boxes and visting campuses and you realize that you are actually growing up and its terrifying.  You think you have time to do all the things you wanted to do and be the person you wanted to be before you have resposibilites and you don’t.  You have to figure out is this who you want to be?   

   As I applied to college, I had to ask myself what made me better than others competing to get in, and the truth is… I don’t know. I didn’t have an answer for why I’m a better fit for this university than the kid sitting next to me. Sure, I think I’m smart or unique or whatever sounds nice, but I’m sure he is too. I’m sure all of us are. And as I watch my peers and friends get into college around me, I wonder… How much better are they? Why am I not that good? And the worst one — I didn’t think they were that good.

   Maybe it’s not all bad though; maybe through all the ugly truth, there’s some comfort that by comparing ourselves, we inevitably improve. I mean, you can become a lot nicer simply by hanging out with the right people, and you can compare people to make yourself better.  Because, at the end of the day, we do it for the same reason: to see how we measure up and if we are doing alright. And if there is the sneaking suspicion that we aren’t good enough, we can use that to fix ourselves.

   I feel that as a seventeen-year-old about to take on the world, I still have no clue who I am compared to other people. To be completely honest with you, I don’t have a good reason for any college to think I’m better than someone who is virtually the same as me.

   So, comparison will kill you; I can tell you that from firsthand experience. But don’t let it kill every part of you, just the parts you don’t want anymore. Let it kill the parts you no longer need.