After Decades of Unfair Treatment, the Elves of the North Pole Rise Up

Pavle Ristic, Editor-in-Chief

   After years of unfair working conditions including undernourishment, low wages, exploitation, and even being subject to life threatening situations, the Elves of the North Pole have had enough. Protestors have been filling the streets of the small country despite grueling weather and opposition from Santa. They have proclaimed, “Now is the time to hold Kris Kringle accountable. There must be change!” (

De-facto leader of the protesting elves, Cocoa Frostyhug, wrote a memoir featuring shocking anecdotes. Could you imagine losing two elflets to chocolate deficiencies? Kringle has operated the most lucrative business in the world since before recorded history, and you want the people to believe that he cannot raise the choccy coin wage? The MOFE (Ministry of Financial Elves) found that a living wage for one individual is 12.5 choccy coins a week. Employees at Kringle Corporation have been found to have been paid only 6 coins a week. How is it possible that a company which can easily net billions of choccy coins can not afford to pay a living wage (

The main side effect of these tiny wages is a staggering amount of malnourishment. The North Pole has a GDP (Gross Domestic Product) of 19.12 trillion dollars, trailing only the United States. Yet 32 percent of elves are undernourished. This figure easily puts the North Pole in the bottom ten in undernourishment in the world. This problem does not exist solely due to wage. In contracts, which Elves signed with the Kringle Corporation, they were guaranteed to be provided with lunch while at work. It is simply unacceptable that workers cannot rely on what was promised to them in their contracts (

Exploitation explains the impossible amount of hours which Kringle has subjected the Elves to. Elves must work 80-hour weeks, running the risk of being released if they fail to complete their shifts. Expecting an individual to work an 80-hour week, while undernourished and with only a 6 choccy coin wage is incomprehensible. When living life under these circumstances, it becomes impossible to focus on anything other than the problems you face, causing mental health to spiral out of control and leading to increasing amounts of issues.

The most unfortunate circumstance of the entire situation is the continuous harm which comes to the Elves while at work, most notably in 2015 with the mass order of hoverboards which saw massive issues in production. After numerous explosions, the factories saw 68 casualties in just three months. One would assume that a figure of that proportion would be in reference to a small conflict between warring nations, not workers simply trying to do their jobs. It is bewildering that action has not been taken against the Kringle Corporation sooner.

With no end in sight, Kringle has deployed the Abominable Snow Corps to get the elves under control. It is time for the Kringle’s power to be put in check. With this additional foul play, there is no longer any possible reason to side with Kringle. Sending out North Pole special forces in order to terrorize protestors who are only working to attain living and working standards on par with the rest of the modern world is unforgivable. The elves demand change, and change there will be.