Counselor Teem Osborne’s crow figurine—better known as “Crowbert”—disappeared a few months ago, and despite the string of anonymous emails involving photos of Crowbert sent to Osborne, the bird has yet to be returned.
Osborne is still waiting for his crow to return, but for now he admits that while the waiting game has been dragging on for quite some time, it’s been quite humorous. “Crowbert was actually given to me by a fellow teacher, and I believe he was abducted around the month of February or March. Since then, I’ve only seen him in photos that have been emailed to me,” he said. “It’s been a couple months now, and I haven’t gotten word on him in awhile, but I have to say it is quite funny.”
English Teacher Richard Norton is a prime suspect, but claims he has had no role in Crowbert’s disappearance, as he has been another targeted victim as well. “Once Mr. Osborne’s crow went missing, I realized my Raven had been abducted, too,” Norton explained. “I don’t understand why people would suspect that I took it; I don’t even like crows. They’re scary and nasty looking — ravens are much better.”
English Teach Aaron Pores explained that while he has had no involvement in the Crowbert situation, he has been giving Osborne moral support. “Mr. Osborne is really distraught about this situation,” said Pores. “We’re hoping he’ll be returned soon, and although I don’t know much about the situation, about a month ago, someone took my pizza from the staff lounge. I was pretty upset that some stole it, and the school secretary sent out a mass email to the teachers telling them that it wasn’t very cool. About a day or two later, I received an anonymous email of Crowbert with clip art of a pizza.”
AP Government Teacher Michelle Fournier has been one of the main suspects in the kidnapping of Crowbert as well, but pleads the Fifth when asked any questions remotely regarding whether or not she is the abductor or knows who he or she might be. She said, “I can only assume that the evil being that took Crowbert is somehow involved in acts of international terrorism on a global scale. As a patriotic American, I have no right to point fingers at people, so I will instead plead the Fifth. Take AP Government if you don’t know what that means.”
Regardless of the fact that Fournier refuses to state her current status regarding the situation, she did allow one minor detail to slip. “I’m sure Crowbert will be returned. No one wants to keep a crow in a printer cartridge box over the summer. That’s just mean. Oops! Maybe I’ve said too much?” she exclaimed.